There’s a habitual pattern that I noticed I have fallen into during surgery recovery. It’s something I’ve done after almost all six of my major surgeries. At first, I’m motivated to recover, and I do everything that it takes to improve my body and help it heal. I’m excited about the prospect of having time to focus on myself. And then, as time wears on, I become unmotivated. I almost lose a sense of who I am and what I even want to do with my life. I am thankful that I am no longer in excruciating pain and I’m recovering, but I still can’t quite do what I want to do.

The past few weeks, I started to feel the psychological toll of this sixth surgery, this sixth recovery period, the ‘lost time’ of the past 13 years of my life, and the overwhelming thoughts of having a chronic illness that continues to take away from my life. 

I knew that I had to do something to feel more like me again and to rejuvenate my feelings for life. Since I can’t physically go on a crazy outdoor adventure that would normally help, and I can’t travel anywhere exotic, I decided that a solo road trip was my best option. 

I quickly put together a rough plan, and left on a five day road trip last week. The main goal was to explore parts of Alaska that I had yet to see. It ended up being much more than that. 

I explored the Glenn Highway, Tok Cutoff, Taylor Highway, Alaska Highway, Richardson Highway, and Easter Denali Highway. Some of the highlights included the short hikes I took, the scenery, wearing the same outfit for five days in a row, my brief interactions with camp host at the 40 Mile campground on the Taylor Highway, reading for hours, soaking up the interior Alaska sunshine (when it wasn’t raining), and sleeping in my car.

My greatest physical accomplishment was summiting my first mountain peak 7.5 weeks out from surgery! I enjoyed the tundra walking, the feeling of my body working hard again (I’m not going to lie, it was really hard for my de-conditioned body), and my ability to navigate the trail-less terrain. I travelled a little over 4 miles in about 2 hours and 45 minutes with 2100 feet of elevation gain on my loop hike. By the time I arrived back at the car, I was proud of myself, but ready for a rest.

The trip was exactly what I needed to feel more like myself. I was able to feel my body working hard while hiking. I was able to feel independent and self-reliant (other than Tyler loading my heavy items that I’m not allowed to pick up into the car at the beginning of the trip). But most importantly, I was to step away from the worries of everyday life, and was able to trust my body and my mind again. Hopefully that continues now that I’m back home!